B GRADE SCREEN GODDESSES



B GRADE ITALIAN SCREEN GODDESS -Sabrina Siani


If you're familiar with the innumerable sword & sorcery flicks Italian cinema churned out during the 1980s, chances are you've seen Sabrina Siani.

Either naked or in extremely skimpy outfits. The beautiful, blond starlet (real name: Sabrina Seggiani, but sometimes billed Sabrina Sellers) graced many a cut-price fantasy epic, typecast as an Amazonian princess or gutsy jungle girl.

Jess Franco director of the 1980 Mondo Cannibale, wasn't a fan (calling her: "the stupidest person I've ever met"), but what does he know? Siani may not have set the screen alight as a teen cannibal queen in Franco's dreadful Mondo Cannibale (1980), but at least she didn't direct it.

Following a brief stint in sex comedies and Franco's calamitous gut-muncher, Siani soaked up the sun in Blue Lagoon rip-off Blue Island (1982) and played a feisty, female Tarzan in Umberto Lenzi's Incontro Nell'Ultimo Paradiso (1982), before making her mark as a sword-swinging maiden in Aristide Massaccesi's Ator the Fighting Eagle (1982).

Contrary to Franco's sentiments, Siani had a lot to offer: a winning athleticism, sex appeal, and a charismatic screen presence. Whether slaying monsters, befriending bears (!), or smouldering seductively, she frequently upstaged bland beefcake, leading men like Peter McCoy (Pietro Torrisi in The Throne of Fire 1983) and Miles O'Keefe (Ator Movie Series 1982- 1987).

Siani played a memorable wicked witch in Lucio Fulci's deliriously daffy Conquest (1983), naked save for a leather g-string and a python, with her face hidden beneath a metal mask. During the surreal climax, it splits open to reveal a hideous, rotting visage (which says something about Fulci's feelings towards women).

Arguably Siani's finest hour, was appearing as the aptly named Golde
n Goddess in Michele Massimo Taranti's superior, Sangraal la Spaada di Fuoco/Sword of the Barbarians (1982). Here, she emerges amidst a shower of glitter, delectably half nude as usual in a crown and jewelled thong, to romp with an understandably smitten barbarian hero.


Films like Sangraal, Gunan Il Guerriro/The king of the Barbarian (1982), and Throne of Fire (1983) feature Siani in a curious cocktail of childish stories, extreme gore and soft-core eroticism - leaving you wandering who the target audience were.

After reuniting with Massacesi for a substantial sci-fi role in 2020: Texas Gladiators (1984), Siani hit the big time when respected Italian auteur Dino Risi cast her in his medieval comedy Dagobert (1984) alongside Euro stars like Michele Serrault and Carole Bouquet.

Thereafter, Siani graced one last film, Stelvio Mas
si's Black Cobra (1987) - a vehicle for blaxploitation legend Fred Williamson - before she disappeared like a lovely mirage. Hopefully, half-naked amidst a shower of glitter.


 Filmography 1979 -1988

The Black Cobra (1987)
Movie directed by Stelvio Massi
Early in "Black Cobra," Detective Robert Malone (Fred Williamson) establishes himself as a maverick, uncompromising policeman when he guns down several criminals during a hostage standoff. Next, he finds himself protecting a female photographer who has witnessed a murder. She is sought by a moronic gang of motorcyclists who have been murdering and raping at will. Malone finds them, confronts them, and takes care of (police) business.


The Ultimate Mission (1988)
Movie directed by Ferdinando Baldi
This film's history is more interesting than the film itself since it was shot in north Korea with the blessing of Kim Il-sung! It's about an evil drug dealer/nazi who uses "deer-serum" (!) to create a race of übermensch (supermen) and of course a good guy blowing lots of stuff up. We get to see very little of these Nazi experiments, but more of screaming men with machine guns and huts blowing up. We also get to, Mark Greogry and Sabrina Siani, together at last. If only Conrad Nichols would have shown up the circle of Italian loser actors would have been complete.

Aenigma (1987)
Movie directed by Lucio Fulci
Kathy is an outcast at an elite New England boarding school whom lands in a coma resulting from accidentally being hit by a car during a cruel practical joke against her by several car loads of her tormentors. A little later, Eva, a new arrival to the school, takes over Kathy's old room and begins socializing with some of the girls responsible for Kathy's condition. It turns out that Eva is a pawn under the control of the comatose Kathy from her hospital bed in seeing revenge against those whom did her wrong, while Kathy's physician, meets and begins dating Eva whom also targets his latest girlfriend.

Movie directed by Dino Risi
A rare film that illustrates the barbaric middle ages of Europe in a realistic manner. At first glance, it may seem crude to some with its nudity and humour, but this first impression dissipates with the consistent touch of silliness that keeps you smiling.




Uccelli d'Italia (1984)
Movie directed by Ciro Ippolito
The movie consists of a number of short sketches based on the Uccelli d'Italia album by the Italian demential group Squallor. Among others, we see a strange encounter between Judas and Jesus and a Brazilian surgeon who dances the samba on the work floor. The title of the movie is a parody of the name of the Italian national anthem, "Fratelli d'Italia" (Brothers of Italy). It literally means "Birds of Italy," but "bird" in Italian is also slang for "penis."

Conquest (1983)
Movie directed by Lucio Fulci
Italian sword and sorcery epic from splatter director Lucio Fulci loosely inspired from the Hercules mythos about a young man, armed with a magical bow and arrows, on a mystical journey through a mystical land to rid it of all evil and joins forces with an outlaw to take down an evil witch bent on claiming the magic bow for evil. The two warriors take on all kinds of nasty creatures along the way to fill scenes of gory violence.


Blue Island (1982)
Movie directed by Luigi Russo (as John Wilder)
After an airplane crash, a handsome couple is left stranded on a tropical desert island. Bonnie and Billy are forced to fight against nature and the inhospitable environment to survive. Then soon learn to live with the environment then suddenly a large man-beast appears and threatens their heavenly and exotic ménage. So this paradise can change into hell... Sexy blond Sabrina Siani, who has starred mostly in Italian barbarian films, stars in this Italian rip-off of the film THE BLUE LAGOON. As this is an Italian rip-off, the sexual content significantly surpasses it's inspiration

Daughter of the Jungle (1982)
Movie directed by Umberto Lenzi
Two young people travel to the Amazon for a research study, but they buy naphtha lighter fluid instead of gasoline and become stranded without being able to reach their destination. They are captured by the natives and their situation seems hopeless. But the landing of a seaplane gives them confidence; but they fall from the frying pan into the fire. As there would be rescuers are slavers hoping to find rubies using the natives as slaves. They manage to escape by pretending to know where you can find the rubies, then run away and make a big discovery: a white girl acting like Tarzan and baptized the daughter of the jungle.
 
The Hunters of the Golden Cobra (1982)
Movie directed by Antonio Margheriti
An American soldier and a British intelligence agent try to track down an ancient relic called the Golden Cobra, rumoured to have supernatural powers. Extremely fast paced and entertaining Indiana Jones- clone from Margheriti. The plot is a ridiculous excuse to keep the pace moving from plane wrecks to car chases and perilous mountains, Contains some impressive scale models of planes and stuff.

  
The Sword of the Barbarians (1982)
Movie directed by Michele Massimo Tarantini
A swordsman's wife is murdered by followers of the evil Goddess Rani. He vows vengeance upon the cult and journeys to the Ark of the Templars to get a magic crossbow that will help him accomplish his mission.




The Throne of Fire (1983)
Movie directed by Franco Prosperi
Standard muscleman fantasy finds Siegfreid fighting evil personified in the guise of Morak. Morak is the son of the devil's messenger, Belial. Morak is attempting to take the throne of evil "on the day of the night in the day", or rather during an eclipse. To escape instant death by flames, before sitting on the throne, he must also wed Valkari. Siegfried who is invulnerable except to fire and gains temporary powers of invisibility (per "The Rings of Nibelung"), of course, battles Morak to save the beloved princess.

Ator, the Fighting Eagle (1982)
Movie directed by Joe D'Amato
The son of Torren learns of his heritage, goes to avenge the deaths of his fellow villagers, and rescue his sister/love interest from the evil Dakkar and his spider cult. Ator battles giant spiders, swordsmen cloaked in shadow, re-animated dead warriors, and horribly hideous witches.



Gunan, King of the Barbarians (1982)
Movie directed by Franco Prosperi
Gunan (Peter McCoy) and his brother (Giovanni Cianfriglia) are raised by a tribe of amazons. It is prophesied that one day, Gunan shall free the land from the evil warlord Nuriak (Emil Messina), however the first time Gunan meets his enemy, he wastes so much time talking to Nuriak that the bad guy can summon help. This never would have happened to Arnie. Anyway, while Gunan recovers from this failure, he falls in love with stunning blonde Lenna (Sabrina Siani). When Lenna becomes a captive of Nuriak, a second attempt to fulfill the prophecy is due... and this time, Gunan is really angry.

2020 Texas Gladiators (1982)
Movie directed by Joe D'Amato, George Eastman
In a post-apocalyptic Texas, a band of warriors fight against a fascist regime that is trying to take control of all surviving population.





La dottoressa preferisce i marinai (1981)
Movie directed by Michele Massimo Tarantini
Paola Senatore plays a doctor in a hotel where a man repeatedly fails to commit suicide, a pair of window washers witness a murder by a hit man, a suspicious wife checks up on her husband who happens to be having an affair with Paola Senatore and other assorted hi-jinks.




Pierino medico della SAUB (1981)
Movie directed by Giuliano Carnimeo
The film is
a sort of spin-off of the character played by Peter Vitali in a series of films in the eighties, from which it takes, albeit with a different name, the farcical nature. The production was carried out in the hospital Roman Eugene.



  
College Girl on Vacation (1980)
Movie directed by Marino Girolami
The main character, a "slave husband" tries unsuccessfully to betray his tyrannical wife, has a series of misadventures, and is  also kidnapped by two weird criminals, and the wife refuses to pay the ransom.




Cannibal Terror (1980)
Movie directed by Alain Deruelle, Olivier Mathot
Two crooks (Mario and Roberto) kidnap a girl and hide out in the house of a friend who lives by trading with the natives in a nearby jungle. The friend's wife is raped by Mario; she exacts revenge by tying him to a tree and leaving him to the cannibals. She then informs the kidnapped girl's parents of their daughter's whereabouts, and the crooks flee through the jungle



Cannibals (White Cannibal Queen) (1980)
Movie directed by Jesús Franco, Franco Prosperi
Doctor Taylor, his wife Elizabeth and their teenage daughter Lana go to an isolated hospital in the Brazilean jungle, close to the Amazon river; they are attacked by savages and he sees them kill and eat his wife, and abduct the girl. Taylor manages to get back to civilization, but he needs psychiatric help; only Doctor Ana believes his story about cannibals, and takes the risk of going with him and a few rich people who can pay for a safari in the remote jungle. The cannibals decimate a number of the safari members in a succession of attacks, and only Taylor, the sexy lady doctor, and a photograph, rich the cannibal tribe - only to discover that she is now the wife of the tribe leader, and considered a goddess. The tribe has adopted her as a white goddess.

The New Godfathers (1979)
Movie directed by Alfonso Brescia
The Poliziotteschi genre (Italian Cop movies) is mostly populated by maverick cops and sadistic criminals; so The New Godfathers is something of an original addition to the genre. As the Italian title suggests; this film focuses on contraband - which a popular focus for this genre, but rather than focus on one side of the war; the film is instead bolstered by a working relationship between a customs officer and a top criminal as they work together for mutual gain.


Where Can You Go Without the Little Vice? (1979)
Movie directed by Marino Girolami
Two detectives (Renzo Montagnani & Alvaro Vitali)two guys , are hired to discover if a rich industrialist is having an affair. The detectives pose as a gay butler and as a female cook in order to spy on all of the happenings within the house. And this causes a myriad of funny gags, and events to occur that make you laugh until you cry!!!



Napoli... la camorra sfida, la città risponde (1979)
Movie directed by Alfonso Brescia
Italian crime film made strictly for local audiences ie Napoli and so no English language version but this is so good that doesn't matter.Mario Merola plays the character he plays in every Brescia movie,the Mafia don who everyone loves,a tough but nice guy.Unfortunatly Antonio Sabato arrives and starts demanding protection money from Merola and all the local shopkeepers,businessmen etc which finally leads up to a rather strange but violent showdown.




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